All Sloppy, No Joe
by Fruity Sangheili
Summary: Blitzwing acompanies Lani to the lake and idiocy ensues.  Short, and inspired by The Iron Giant.


**This is basically nothing more than nonsense written to make me smile and feel better about the past hectic week. I do hope everybody had a Happy New Years! This story stars Lani and Blitzwing on a fiasco trip to a nearby lake. Written in inspiration and a nod to one of my favourite movies of all time, The Iron Giant. This scene still has the power to nearly make me pee myself with laughter! XD**

**Rated T+ For a few cusses!**

**Enjoy!**

**Song in Title: Insignificantia (All Sloppy/No Joe) - Halo Wars OST.**

**Theme for story: After The Rain (Instrumental) - Little Dragon.**

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><p>"Jou know, long ago I asked Lugnut to create a pool for us. He did, but vhen I found it was in zhe wrong place and asked him make anozher, he got mad und refused! He tried to hit me instead! Zho I can tell jou zhat didn't last long! Hahahahah!" Random babbled happily through the silence of the forest.<p>

Before him, Lani walked ahead, a smile on her face as she tried to pay attention to what the giant bot was going on about. He had been for about an hour already.

The sun-swept beach of manmade Juantel Lake had never looked more appealing. Lani, grinning like a wealthy fool, slung her beach towel over her shoulder, loftily walking out to the lake's edge in the rhythm of a song nobody could hear.

Behind her, a reluctant Blitzwing followed, his monocle bobbing in and out of it's dark metal socket as he observed the area with caution like an Earth deer approaching for a drink. He would've hid in his vehicle form, if having an F-15 or Tank parked in the middle of nowhere, wasn't so conspicuous. For once in his life he regretted his choice disguises.

Icy, now in control, then dropped his gaze to where he last saw Lani and found that she was gone. Just seconds before, he'd heard a splash. He crouched with his forearms rested against his knee guards, observing the dark shape beneath the rippling water as it surfaced, revealing itself to be a rather shock-faced Lani.

She visibly shivered, making a small smile touch his face. It was a smile of arrogance, as he'd told her the weather wasn't appropriate enough to heat the water to a safe temperature for her to swim yet. It was only early morning, after all.

Yet she insisted that it'd be fine, despite it being her first time out to the secluded forest area. He spied the spot two days earlier, Random revealing the romance-for-the-eyes location to her.

She noticed his smile and frowned at him in the cutest manner. She hadn't meant for it to be, but her unruly sweetness didn't help.

"Shut up." She remarked with a shiver.

His only response was the shake of his helm before he spoke. "I didn't say anyzhing."

"Y-you were gunna!" She pointed out childishly.

"No, I vasn't." He argued plainly, then said. "Is it cold, like I estimated it to be?"

"You could've told me what the t-temp was before I jumped in! B-but choo were too-" She paused to spit the lake water from her mouth as it lapped around her. "Busy! Being! A! Chicken!"

"Jou mean being _observant_? It is dangervous for me to be out in zhe open like zhis, Lani. Jou know zhis. Zhe last zhing I need is to be discovered by any pasverbys." He reasoned calmly.

She rolled her eyes at him, letting a vocal shudder again. Beneath the water, Blitzwing could see that she was bunched with her arms wrapped around her middle, trying her damnedest not to kick out due to the cold water. It was hilarious to watch her like this, he exhaled a short, quiet laugh.

"Vhy don't jou get out if it's zhat cold?"

"I-it's not _t-that _cold! I just need to get used to it is all!" She retorted, kicking away from him and forcing herself to go against the chilled, subtle waves that seemed to get colder and colder the more she moved away from the shore.

"God!" She finally squealed miserably and submitted to the water's frosty bite, tucking herself into a ball and nearly sinking in the middle of the lake, bobbing in the water pathetically as she tried to keep herself righted.

During her travel away from him, Random had over thrown Icy, and was now chuckling like a toddler at her unhappiness.

"Did I not tell jou?" He called to her, watching with crossed arms. It was then that Hothead interrupted. "I svear, jou're more stubborn zhen I! Even I'm not zhat stupid!"

"I wouldn't count on it!" Lani teased back defiantly, blowing a stuttering raspberry at him.

"Vhat?" He barked. "Vatch jour mouth!"

"Or y-you'll what?" She yelled. "You couldn't bring yourself to crush me even if I begged you to!"

"Keep at it, und I'll prove jou horribly wrong!" He growled, taking a step forward onto the mushy bank of the lake. His boot sank considerably, the water turning a deep brown and boiling around the rim of it as he released several gas bubbles from the ground and stirred the slimy sediment at the bottom.

Icy found this to be particularly disgusting, especially the foul organic smell, and retreated back into the sandy shore, shaking his foot with a whine. Frowning when he found that sand had now stuck to his boot in globs.

Primus he hated this planet sometimes.

"Nice going, Hothead." He sneered to his angrier persona, who remained quiet due to the lack of control and a misaligned voice box. Though Icy felt him trying to take point again to surely argue, and the two began to battle for control shortly thereafter. The rotation stump beneath their faces groaning as the turning cycles began to protest from the back and forth festering. His head soon began to spin in a whirl beneath his helmet, causing Lani to watch on with a completely flabbergasted expression. She could overhear the calm and heated personalities grunting as their battle for control escalated and his body wobbled as either tried to keep them in balance. Random expelling a short high-pitched "Whee~!" in between the weering and grunts every now and then, merely enjoying the ride.

Icy smirked shortly after, having felt the persona retreat after a while. He felt rather stupid for getting into such a degrading debate with himself, but it felt better to win rather than allow the fiery side of him rampage from frustration.

"Stop fighting with yourself and come out to swim!" Lani called to him in a much lighter tone that a few minutes ago. She threw her arm into the air, waving it in her direction to gesture him in. She then paused, dropping it back into the water, feeling more accustomed to the temperature. "Wait, can you even swim?"

"Of course!" Random responded, then laughed shortly after. "Unlike jou! Jou look like a beach ball out zhere!" He cackled.

"I happened to graduate top of my s-swim class! Thank you!" She huffed, turning belly-down and swimming further out before diving.

Random blinked, his tiny pupils growing smaller as a small sense of protective paranoia grabbed hold of him when he could no longer see her. He'd been sure that there were no giant Earth predators in the water before he agreed to accompany her the day prior. He visibly sighed when she resurfaced, an endearing smile on her face that he quickly returned. She couldn't help but to laugh at his idiot face, clearing away the brown hair that stuck to her face.

"Come on! The water's actually nice once you get used to it!" She urged. "Show me what you can do!"

"Jou vant a display zhat vill amaze jou? Oho! Coming vight up!" He yelled excitedly, ignoring the mental protest of the other personas quickly. He had an incredible habit of assuming the strongest hold of control over his body and minds out of the three. In a violent, energetic run, he dashed through the first line of thick pines to distance himself. Grains beneath his stabilizing servos ground together dully and bunched at his heels once he slid to a halt, only to kick up a mixture of grass and filth when he bolted to gain inertia.

Unfortunately the outcome of what would've happened with his mass and speed at this rate had completely abandoned the Mech.

Back in the lake, Lani could hear his careening cackle emit from not too far in the tree-line, but she was unable to visibly locate him. The only sign of his approach was the distant trembles in the water's surface, signally that he was rushing back towards the bank at a high speed, making her eyes widen.

"Oh shit! Blitzwing! Not that fast!" She nearly screamed with panic and pleading, waving her arms outward and shaking her head.

"_BONZAAAAIIII~!_" Screamed the foolish personality, childishly screeching with laughter as the giant robot sailed out of the tree-line with a hefty jump, a wispy trail of smoke leaving his thrusters on the bottom of his boots.

The rumbling caused Lani to flail like a fish-out-of-water as she retreated as quickly as humanly possible, eyes bulging with terror while his shadow overcast her puny existence.

He was tucked into a classic cannonball form as his aft and back were the first things to slap the water with a tremendous, thundering explosion. Lani instantly felt the great suction take hold once he was fully submerged. A rolling, boiling, roaring, mushroom plume of light green water growing in size caught her attention, and she gasped deeply. So deep that she almost choked on the water that sprayed into her gaping mouth from the violent sloshing around her. A near-hundred foot tower of mist and semi-clear water mixed with debris from the lakebed pressed for the sky once gravity forced the air to release from the center of the impact, quaking the lake and the ground around it.

"_Aw f_-" Lani's frightened swear was muffled once the out-traveling wall of water engulfed her, thrusting the poor girl from the core of the lake and towards a grassy rise atop a harshly risen angular boulder nearby.

Spinning and swirling with the aggressive current, she tried what she could to grab onto the knoll atop the jutting rock-edge, grass and clumps of mud easily being torn from the ground and her fingers. Luckily, the water roared downward, pressing her into the rough terrain enough for her to brace against it. Her lungs burned and ached for air after having it initially knocked from them with the rush of water from Blitzwing's outright ass-attack on the lake. She felt the muffled roaring leave her ears and the heat of the sun warm her cool skin, cueing that she could inhale that deep, wonderful, taken-for-granted Earth air. She hastily did so, panting and snorting water from her nose, her body shaking uncontrollably and feeling a swell of anguished hysterics wrack her.

She clambered to the edge as if looking for some source of comfort to hold on to, only to find that she'd just made herself more stuck with mud and grass blades ripped loose from her squirming. Straight ahead of her, Blitzwing sat in the middle of the near-depleted lake, looking around in almost a clueless manner.

He was still in control by Random, who was smiling stupidly at the disaster he made.

"Oooh-wheee! Zhat vas incredible~!" He proclaimed, laughing heartily after. He was about to speak up again when he was sent to the back of the helm by a more-than-displeased Hothead.

"Jou scrapping _idiot_! Look at zhis nonsense! Zhe Humans who maintain zhe nearby vater treatment plant are going to vonder vhat zhe _fuck_ happen!" He shouted angrily, his fists shaking with his words. "And vhere in zhe _hell_ is Lani!" He then sounded worried, which seemed out of character for the quarrelsome persona.

He first check beneath himself, suddenly ill by the thought of possibly having sat on her as the swell of water subsided. The tightness in his spark released when he found she wasn't there, although with other gruesome situations playing through his mind, his head and body whirled around in search for the young woman. Her hysterical laugh then caught his attention.

Turning, he was surprised and relieved to find her far above him - for a change - perched on a rocky uprising, her head tucked close to her body and arms slack in her lap. Her eyes squeezed shut as she trilled with laughter.

She then slapped the ground as if she found it impossible to stop herself, falling face first into the wet-down grass.

"_WHOO!_" She swore in nervous excitement with a fist thrown skyward.

Lifting her head, she bore a smile stretched across her pale face. She was still visibly shivering, and her hands slithered up her arms to grip them, making it clear she was still cold. However she broke into another obnoxious laugh that in turn brought out Random, stirring quite the commotion between the two as he joined her in clueless merriment.

"I-I thought," She said shrilly and swallowed, shaking her head and forcing herself to relax. "I thought I was actually going to die!" She then coughed out another laugh. "Oh my… Oh… That's horrible. I actually sounded like you there for a second."

She managed another crooked smile at the black face that carried burning red optics. "That's the last thing I need!"

"Vell, at least jou're alvight…" Icy said with a sigh, he held no smile. He was too embarrassed that his moronic side had placed him in such a unnecessary, and undoubtedly messy situation. Especially for making him look like such a fool before the girl whom captured his affections.

"… Jou are, alvight, aren't jou?" He then sounded troubled, as he recalled her mental state.

"Yeah, I'm fine… Just a little shaken up is all." She said hoarsely, pulling leaves and other miscellaneous shrapnel from her matted hair.

"Ve should do zhat again!" Random blathered, his hands fisted together tightly as he straightened to his stabilizing servos.

"What? Just for me to go through _that_ again?" Lani asked, incredulously. She unceremoniously yank a twig from her hair, casting it over the edge of her perch grumpily.

"Jou survived zhe first time!" Random tried to sound reassuring, which Lani just couldn't take seriously from him in particular.

"Oh!" She scoffed, flopping her hands to her sides and looking at him with a dumbfounded expression. "Yeah! Barely! Besides, you emptied half of the lake! You do it again, your ass is going to hit the bottom and nothing more… Then I'll be laughing _my_ ass off!" She snickered.

"Ve are _not_ doing zhat again!" Hothead proclaimed angrily, having been fed up with the insane personality's antics. "Lets go, I need to get zhis gunk out of my plating!" He sounded disgusted as he looked at himself, walking in an uncomfortable gate towards the ledge where Lani sat.

"I agree…" She said tiredly, stepping onto the out held palm he offered her. "I need a hot shower after that nut-jobbery…"

"Maybe I can help vash zhe dirt off jou…" Random said in a seductive tone, his trademark grin carrying a more sinister edge than before.

"Like hell you will!" Lani nearly shouted, her face flushed with blood as the worst of her mind filled with perverse imagery. "Get that heater of yours up and running and let's get out of here before I catch a cold…"

"Eheheheh~ Jou sure? One last chance on zhe offer!" He did as she ordered him, although she was unable to hear the air conditioner roar to life in the tinted cockpit on his chest.

"I said no, fool." Lani said, trying to hide her embarrassment. She waggled her finger at him.

"I think that's enough _fun_, for one day…"


End file.
